The Day In-Between

Yesterday was Good Friday.  The day Jesus was sent to the cross to die then laid in a tomb.

Tomorrow is Easter. The day Jesus came back.

Today is the day in-between.  The Sabbath. The day of rest.

Was is really restful for the diciples that were closest to Jesus?  A lot had just transpired in a day. Their world had went from miraculuous to miserable.

They had spent the last few years learning from this Jesus - the Christ - who could heal the sick, make the lame walk, restore eyesight, make the winds and waves peaceful again, cast out demons to restore sanity, feed thousands with one person's lunch, and treat everyone with respect while teaching them what God really meant in the scriptures.  He challenged their views, challenged their intentions, and challenged them all to be God's children not just law livers.  Jesus, - Emmanuel, God With Us - had shared what God was like as a Father not just the Creator of the Universe and Law to live by.

He gave them Hope.  And now He was gone.

Reading the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, John), I only know they "rested" on the Sabbath.  The action starts again on the next day at the empty tomb.  The thing that irritates me often about the Bible is its lack of emotional filler in times like these.  I want to know what the conversations were like: were they yelling at each other in desperation? Did they say any words at all?  Were they so exhausted they truly rested because they just slept it off? What about the women? Did they accuse the men in the room for not stepping in to save Jesus?  Did Simon Peter remind them of everything Jesus taught them while confessing he had denied knowing Jesus before the rooster crowed?  Did they all go silent when all they could do was watch from afar?

Did it feel like they were sitting in that room waiting for death like their ancestors during the first Passover night those centuries ago in Egypt? Paralyzed with fear and barely breathing? Or were they singing hymns?  DId they praise God on the day of Sabbath as they always did?  Were they angry at God?  Did their prayers change?

Did they still have hope?

It's different for us now.  We know the history. We know that "Sunday's Coming."  This day of in-between is a day of rest for most.  But days of rest in our time doesn't mean the same as it did then.  Do we take this time to really think how that day of in-between relates to us now?

Have you ever been in a situation where all hope seemed gone until in an unexpected moment in an unexpected way everything just changed for the better?

This day of rest, the -in-between, is just as important to the story of Easter as Jesus' death and ressurection. It's a day of choice for us.  Is our faith existent and active to wait on Him? Do you wait in childlike antcipation (like waiting for a trip to Disney), or do you wait in quiet desperation hoping that it all ends.  Do you choose to believe Jesus is who He said, or do you block all belief in a Messiah?

Going through all I have so far in my life, I know for certain the waiting with anticipation is a much better way than desperation.

Final note:  If you have never had a chance to be introduced to, or really get to know Jesus, I would be honored to be that connector for you.

I believe, help my unbelief...

This entrepreneurial life is no joke, and there are a lot of days it's not as cool as it sounds to be an entrepreneur.  Turns out, the ability to succeed in the "independent" lifestyle is rooted in mindset and belief.

To fill you in on the backstory, my year started out interesting to say the least. I spent New Year's Day driving back from Florida while sicker than I had been in years (pneumonia level) only to arrive home to get let go from a three-year employee contract two years early.  Which was perfectly fine with me since they stopped listening to me at day 35. The money was good and got me back to stable "on my own." The plan just didn't go COMPLETELY like I thought - year 2 pay off debt, year 3 bank money and have my speaking/training business at half-calendar capacity.  Simple enough, yet no go.

Since I had a fundraising event on my plate to concentrate on, I devoted my first 2 months to fundraising, and regrouping on my health and business. Just tighten the budget, get creative with resources, and get to work!

Fast forward to August.  Business is finally starting to get some root and blooms at the same time; however, not enough blooms to turn into fruit fast enough to replenish the money coffers.  I think this is part of every business owner's story.  I am not the first, certainly won't be the last to go through this situation. And remember, technically I just rebooted my business 6 months prior.  Not near enough time to get into a rhythm.

Where I am now in this journey is what's known as a defining moment.  I have a choice. #1 - Believe and trust that God is my supply and will provide in His mysterious way - that I should keep at peace and poised ready to go when He says "go" while I stand still and watch Him work.  OR.  #2 - I take matters into my own hands, ditch the business, get a job and just pay the bills.  I've been talking with God since August about this.  And here are messages I have been receiving on almost a daily basis:

• A cloud formation that looks like two hands making the heart symbol.
• Random sermon podcasts that talk about God providing in crazy ways.
• A book recommendation that is filled with biblical affirmations such as:  "God is my supply and every day is a good day." "The walls of lack and delay now crumble away and I walk into my Promised land under grace."  "What God has done for others, He now does for me and more." and hundreds of other amazing thoughts that I tap into on a daily basis.
• Random conversations that lead into this subject on a deep spiritual level.
• Moments of surreal clarity.
• Vivid dreams that have meaning of life change and prosperity and alignment with my spiritual self.
• Reading passages in the Bible like the man who asks Jesus for healing for his child and Jesus tells him, "If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes."  He responds with, "Lord, I believe, help my unbelief!"  
• and even, movies like "The Empire Strikes Back"

I can say "I believe" all day long.  But until I get to the point of believing in my heart (trusting), and not just in my head - belief is not solidified.

Napoleon Hill's, the author of "Think And Grow Rich," most known quote is, "Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve." Just because I can picture it in my mind (believe that it can exist) doesn't always mean I believe it to be for me.  That has been my biggest challenge lately.  The heart belief.

That means my defining moment is a trust issue.  Do I trust God more than I trust my own way?

It may not make sense as the money in my account continues to pour out before more can be put in, but I am putting my full trust in God to show up in His usual mysterious way.

Anyone else as excited as I am to see what's going to happen next?

By the way, please don't press your "I'm worried for her" button.  I implore you, if you have made it this far in my message to think only of amazingly positive thoughts surrounding my life.  "Where two or more are gathered..." Your good vibes add to the positive side and feeds into the light.  Worry only gives into the darkness.  That's not allowed here.  I believe in the force of good always winning, even under the most adverse circumstances. And I believe that God works all things for the good, including my life.

Now...to find some really cool background music....

According to the Quiz, I'm Depressed

So my friend gives me her extra copy of Good Housekeeping.  I'm thumbing through all the ads to get to an article that caught my eye, "No One Would Ever Call Me Depressed."  

The article had a feature picture of a laughing, happy, full-of-life Meg D'Incecco of New York City that makes you just want to hang out with her and get her to laugh more.  She shares her story that sounded very familiar to my own.  Lots of great things going on, nothing that should CAUSE depression, but on the inside the dark moods are always lingering.  Meg tells the interviewer, "A mean voice played loudly in my head telling me that I wasn't worthy, that I didn't know what I was doing professionally, that I was as fat as a Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade balloon...I'd chat with someone and then be immediately filled with self-doubt, picturing the other person walking away thinking I was an overbearing freak."

I've said almost exactly the same things to myself, and worse.

Then I get to the quiz.  

And I'll be damned, I checked off most of these.  Should I be worried?  No.  For me, this is nothing new.  I know how to manage and I have already been working on incorporating more self-care in my life to break some bad habits and negative cycles to live a life that energizes ME.

If you're reading this, and you have checked most of the symptoms - consult a therapist.  And then interview a good one for YOU to work through any issues that can help lighten your load.  If medication is necessary, do it.  Medication does not define you, neither does depression.  YOU determine what defines you.  And know, it's a process that takes time.

My own dark moods do not define me, it's just an experience I go through. Too often for my liking. And it takes me allowing myself the time necessary to shut down for a spell, stay away from situations I know will affect me negatively, to put myself in environments that energize me, and I'm still learning to do it all regardless of what other people think.  Even if I need to take a nap in the middle of the day to give my body what it needs.

So as I move forward with growing my business, my darkness may be there with me.  But I know over time through work, change, and patience, my light will be so bright there will no more room for darkness.  

Egypt Is My Poverty

My biggest client and I decided to part ways this month.  A year early.  Which means, slight financial panic mode about to be engaged.  I'm nervous,  but not terrified.  The strange thing is, I get this feeling that I should just keep moving forward as normal.  Focused on my business and growing it this year.  And just stay calm.

I stayed calm on New Year's Eve when my car had a flat tire in Cedar Key, Florida.  One gas station.  New Year's Eve.  And the plan was to drive to Jacksonville on the other side of Florida to watch the sunrise on New Year's Day.  Flat tire on the opposite coast...but I stayed calm and a solution presented itself in the form of a couple riding their golf cart past the gas station.  Sonny quickly found the hole, the station had A plug kit, he patched the hole, filled the tire with air, and I was good-to-go all while I chatted with his wife, Amanda, about which beach I should visit in their home town of Jacksonville...

One adversity-filled moment. Calm peace. Quick solution appeared.

I remember a time when I could feel this calm in the midst of adversity-filled moments.  2009 I lost a decent corporate job (it was the fashionable thing to do from 2008-2010).  I cashed out.  I recreated myself. I started a business and began a whole new string of adversity-filled moments related to business.  But in those days, my habit was to go to the kitchen table, watch the sunrise, and read the Bible till I got something out of it.  Meaning. A Message.  Something. And it was always a positive feeling.  The calm.

So tonight after figuring the money isn't going to be there if I don't do something big and soon, I decided to read the Bible until I got something out of it.  I didn't know where to begin.  "At the beginning," I hear in my mind (some would say spirit here).  So, I open up to Genesis and notice I already have a pencil toward the beginning of the book.  I flip to the pencil at Exodus 13:21 where I highlighted: 

"And the Lord went before them by day in a pillar of cloud to lead the way, and by night in a pillar of fire to give them light, so as to go by day and night..."

I keep reading how God positioned the people of Israel by the sea away from Egypt.  God also hardened Pharaoh's heart to be instigated to chase after them.  The pillar of cloud was between them.  The Israelites of course were in panic. It seemed to be the end. Nowhere to go. No options. Everything lost. They cry to Moses. Moses replies (Exodus 14:13),

"Do not be afraid.  Stand still, and see the salvation of the Lord which He will accomplish for you today.  For the Egyptians whom you see today, you shall see again no more forever."

Then it hit me.  Egypt is my poverty.  Or at least fear of poverty.  I've been in this financial crazy situation before of not having enough coming in to take care of basics, thus living in other people's spaces and relying on faith and kindness of others to help me through.  Which is its own learning and character development.  But this time is different for me.  The FEAR isn't there about my current situation.  And honestly, looking at it from outside it may look like I'm backed up to the sea with no options.  But wait...

Moses finishes his words to Israel, "The Lord will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace."

That was it!  I just needed to stay at peace, God's got this.  And I remembered this picture I took of a bird sleeping on a branch beside a waterfall.  Seemed to fit the moment.

Of course the story with Moses plays out with God parting the sea, the Israelites crossing, Eqypt pursuing, God closing the waters, the Egyptians drown, and Israel goes on to new adventures. 

I hope I can stay away from "wilderness moments" while God is working His plan for me.  Stay aligned, at peace, and move forward when the time is right.  And ultimately, it will all work out better than I could have imagined.  No more Egypt for me (until I visit the Sphinx someday).

Finally Making Progress

I've been on this Dancing With Prospect Stars adventure for 8 weeks today.  Which puts me at roughly the half-way mark to the event. 

Here's the progress:

• 95% of the dance is choreographed.
• I can finally dance with a partner.
• I have incorporated strength training, cardio, and yoga.
• I have made good nutritional changes I can keep up with for life.
• I am down a TOTAL of 13.5 inches in my body (4" across my belly button alone). (And just last week I thought I would never get anything off my body. Goes to show how much the mindset affects everything - it was holding me back. Now I release all the weight that needs to go to be the size I want).
• I have $1,000 in sponsorship raised.
• I have a handful of people that are going to buy tickets.
• $100 in donations direct for Camp Quality. 

Still to go:

Only :20 seconds or so left to choreograph of the dance.

Another 4-6" off my waist.

Create a landing page to put all information in one spot for me easy for you to find.

$3,000 in sponsorship and ticket sales.

$19,900 in direct donations for Camp Quality. (Lofty goal, sure - but if everyone pitches in to help make it happen...it'll happen!)

That last one is THE most important.  This whole thing ultimately comes down to raising funds for this amazing organization - that's local.  Below is a quick video from me and Eddie Bobbitt, the Executive Director for Camp Quality Kentuckiana.  

Go here for the event page:  www.DancingForCampQuality.com, or here to donate or purchase tickets:  www.dancingwithprospectstars.org/2017/10/04/christy-smallwood/ , or contact me at Christy@EagleEyeExecutive.com to sponsor.  Donations are direct to Camp Quality - which means tax deductible!  And Sponsorship goes in your marketing dollars (which is also deductible).  And purchasing tickets...you won't regret any of it!

How To Practice For The Paso...

As most of you reading this know, I love a good superhero story.  Especially Wonder Woman.

So when the Dancing With Prospect Stars opportunity came up, I wanted to do something that would "represent."  I picked the Paso.  When people ask me what dance I'm doing and I tell them, I usually get this response:

via GIPHY

Yep.  It's an intense dance. Sharp moves. Fierce.  Very warrior-ish.  Total badass. Makes for a great superhero story.  Just what I wanted!  And boy, do I have my work cut out for me.  LOTS of practice is required.  Because, #1 - I want to LOOK fierce, not fluffy, and #2 - The whole point is to raise money for the kids at Camp Quality, and I can't let them down with a bad dance.

Practice.  Over-and-over-and-over again.  Not just rehearsal with my dance partner to learn routine and technique, but to work so much on my own that it becomes second nature. 

My home practices are filled with carrying weights while on my tip toes.  Lunges while wearing wedges.  Front kicks, pointing toes, squats, spinning, punching, step lunges while keeping my upper body from bouncing and staying balanced, and a handful of other moves that I will keep quiet for now. ;-) My dance partner, Damian, shows off a few moves for me to practice:

The other thing about practicing for the Paso is mindset and visualization.  Seriously.  No joke.  I am not only watching the Wonder Woman movie over-and-over, I picture myself as her doing the moves while practicing.  It inspires and motivates me - and scares the hell out of me.  Gal Gadot worked out for 6 hours a day for 6 months to do the Wonder Woman movie.  I have 13 weeks left.

I have a long way to go and a short time to get there (insert "East Bound and Down" music here). My practices need to be daily, not when I feel like it.  The practices need to be focused and intense.  And make me sweat a lot.  So far so good on that!

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Ready to sponsor the event or make a donation?  Go here to do that:  Dancing With Prospect Stars 

And So It Begins...

I've always loved dancing.  Never been great, but definitely something I enjoyed.  I taught and choreographed marching band for 16 years, I know a move or two and can be fairly coordinated and stay in time with the music.

But this is different. I'm different.  My body is different.

I've recently been chosen as one of the dancers for the Dancing With Prospect Stars charity event in February 2018.  Dancing with a partner.  In front of people.  In a skimpy outfit. What the hell am I thinking?!?  Oh yeah....the  kids.

My chosen charity to dance for is Camp Quality Kentuckiana, a year-round support for kids with cancer to go to camp to get to be kids again.  Seriously.  How could I not do something for that cause? These kids go through hell and back daily fighting for their lives.  Their childhoods consist of hospital stays, quarantines, diets of medicine and IVs, and little energy to even think about playing outside.  So when they get a chance to be around other kids- just like them - and play like "normal" kids do, there is a magical transformation that happens.  Some might even say it's SUPER!

So, for the next 15 weeks I will find sponsors, sell tickets, and raise money to support Camp Quality Kentuckiana - no question.  But personally...yikes.

This is me - now. 

I am roughly 100 pounds more than I should be, or really want to be.  Fitting into a skimpy dancing dress is...well, not a pretty sight NOW.  Please note before you get all, "you're not that fat - you're beautiful regardless" kind of jazz.  I'm very confident that I'm not ugly.  No worries there.  

This project is just as much a personal adventure of transformation as it is a cool fundraiser for those kids to go to camp. The weight has to come off - it's non-negotiable.  My movement habits are going to change.  I will be putting myself first in this and that means my calendar will change too.  My nutrition is pretty good - just my exercise routine is non-existent.

But I can't do it alone.  I need your help.  In all of it.  So be prepared to go on this journey with me! 

"Only those who risk going too far can find out how far they can go."  ~ T.S. Elliot

Why Fat Is My Comfort Zone

For as long as I can remember I have been fat. Before I could remember I was born a preemie at 4 pounds, 7 ounces.  Then one summer, as the story goes, I went to stay with my grandparents in Texas.  I left a skinny kid and came back fat.  I was 5.  

Throughout my adolescence - that amazing time of growing - my peers began to have input into my life as much as family.  My first recollection of a comment about how I looked was from a boy in 2nd Grade, "You are fat."  I told my teacher, she blew me off.  I was 6.

Fast forward to 6th grade.  I had been to a handful of schools by then, plenty of input from family and classmates and others about how I looked.  How I was "fat."  But at least by then I would also get, "beautiful eyes" once in awhile.

I learned very early on that being fat was neither popular or positive.  Funny thing though - I didn't eat all day and never move.  I ate normal and was plenty active.  My behaviors did not lean toward "fat."  I participated in every activity I could get a ride to in high school:  tennis, volleyball, marching band, dance team, drama, academic team, and probably a few other things I've forgotten.  

Looking back through my early days pictures NOW...I was certainly not fat.  Not SKINNY, but not FAT either.  But the label of "fat" is what stuck.  Even when I worked a summer job as a clerk in a law firm, a teenage girl from the country in the "big city" wearing a DRESS...and the Sr. Partner looked at me one day and said, "You'd be pretty if you weren't so fat."  Yes.  Said that to me.  I was 16.

My relationships with men was influenced by having this fat.  I adopted a belief that any man that really loved me would love ME regardless of the fat.  So any man that said I was fat was dismissed, and the ones that swore to me that I was beautiful regardless of my size were the ones I gave myself to.  And each one was a learning lesson to put it nicely.  My "first" left me, my ex-husband was abusive, and so on.  That belief that I could be beautiful regardless of my size was replaced with "I can be beautiful, fat, and useful."  Useful to men one way, and the rest of the world through the work I can accomplish.

I poured myself into doing good work, providing value to the world, discovering  and developing myself.  Through it all, I have kept my fat.  I have done some really cool things:  traveled to other countries doing mission work, spoke with high-ranking government officials about changing the world, and had dinner with Fortune 500 CEOs.  My fat came with me.  I have been to the proverbial hell and back with relationships of all kinds, and my fat came with me.

Why do I say fat is my comfort zone?  It's always been the buffer between the vulnerable me and what I can be for the world that needs what I can do in it.  It's been my protective force field to ward off negative.  My body literally goes into protective mode.  I can eat healthy, exercise, and watch what I do, and  yet...the fat is still there.

My fat is my comfort zone because it's all I've ever known.  I don't know how NOT to be fat.

My word for 2017 is"Beyond."  I now have to decide if I'm ready to go beyond that.  To take the mental and emotional steps necessary to live like I'm "fit" not "fat."  What will that look like?  Not sure, but I'm ready to design a new label for myself.

The Beauty of the Moment

The past few months have just been...indescribable.  It still amazes me how much can happen in such a short amount of time.

Since August...another birthday come and gone, yet one more guy to disappear on me, a change of housing situations, two new websites, a few more clients, two awards, one bad sinus infection...and through it all, only three extra pounds.

In addition to MY little world, the rest of the world has also seen a ton of crazy:  a new President, Britain to exit, lots of lives lost, new technology created, protesting to save the earth and protesting to destroy "the establishment," worldwide disasters with hurricanes, earthquakes, tsunami, tornadoes, and wildfires, and through it all, people are still showing love for their fellow man, standing up for what is right, cherishing family, and believing in hope.

That's the amazing thing about the human spirit.  Through all the tragedy of life, we are strengthened by it.  We learn to appreciate the fragility of it.  The beauty of moments.

Regardless of what happens in my little world, I believe in the Magic of it - the beauty of moments whether I am alone soaking up the quiet sunrise, chatting on the phone with friends that I don't get to see, sharing time at a business function with new people to discover, or investing time into great friends over a pizza and drinks - I will enjoy the beauty of the moment.

Story of the Week

No, it's not about the award I won, or the two new clients I signed on, or even the fact that the guy I've been dating still thinks I'm adorable.  THIS story came from a wonderful client at the salon that made me tear up and have a sense of hope in true love.

The client, we'll call her Ruby, and her husband have been married for 46 years.  She was recently home with a hurt back - which she has dealt with since youth - and watching The Newlywed Game.  She decided to write down some of the questions to ask her husband when he got home, knowing they SHOULD know each other with ease.

Her husband comes home, and she asks the first question, "If you could give the gift of a body makeover for your spouse, which part of the body would you have redone?"

Ruby told him, "I picked your belly.  You have gained a little weight and I know you don't like having the belly.  So I would want you to have less of it again."  Then she asked him, "What would YOU choose?"  His response, "Honey, that's easy.  Your back.  You've been in such pain for years, I would want you to be pain free again."

THAT my friends...is real love.  Ruby even teared up telling me the story because she knew how much she was loved by that man and how awesome he was for her.  And THAT is the hope I have for a relationship.