I believe, help my unbelief...

This entrepreneurial life is no joke, and there are a lot of days it's not as cool as it sounds to be an entrepreneur. Turns out, the ability to succeed in the "independent" lifestyle is rooted in mindset and belief.

To fill you in on the backstory, my year started out interesting to say the least. I spent New Year's Day driving back from Florida while sicker than I had been in years (pneumonia level) only to arrive home to get let go from a three-year employee contract two years early. Which was perfectly fine with me since they stopped listening to me at day 35. The money was good and got me back to stable "on my own." The plan just didn't go COMPLETELY like I thought - year 2 pay off debt, year 3 bank money and have my speaking/training business at half-calendar capacity. Simple enough, yet no go.

Since I had a fundraising event on my plate to concentrate on, I devoted my first 2 months to fundraising, and regrouping on my health and business. Just tighten the budget, get creative with resources, and get to work!

Fast forward to August. Business is finally starting to get some root and blooms at the same time; however, not enough blooms to turn into fruit fast enough to replenish the money coffers. I think this is part of every business owner's story. I am not the first, certainly won't be the last to go through this situation. And remember, technically I just rebooted my business 6 months prior. Not near enough time to get into a rhythm.

Where I am now in this journey is what's known as a defining moment. I have a choice. #1 - Believe and trust that God is my supply and will provide in His mysterious way - that I should keep at peace and poised ready to go when He says "go" while I stand still and watch Him work. OR. #2 - I take matters into my own hands, ditch the business, get a job and just pay the bills. I've been talking with God since August about this. And here are messages I have been receiving on almost a daily basis:

A cloud formation that looks like two hands making the heart symbol.
Random sermon podcasts that talk about God providing in crazy ways.
A book recommendation that is filled with biblical affirmations such as: "God is my supply and every day is a good day." "The walls of lack and delay now crumble away and I walk into my Promised land under grace." "What God has done for others, He now does for me and more." and hundreds of other amazing thoughts that I tap into on a daily basis.
Random conversations that lead into this subject on a deep spiritual level.
Moments of surreal clarity.
Vivid dreams that have meaning of life change and prosperity and alignment with my spiritual self.
Reading passages in the Bible like the man who asks Jesus for healing for his child and Jesus tells him, "If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes." He responds with, "Lord, I believe, help my unbelief!"
and even, movies like "The Empire Strikes Back"

I can say "I believe" all day long. But until I get to the point of believing in my heart (trusting), and not just in my head - belief is not solidified.

Napoleon Hill's, the author of "Think And Grow Rich," most known quote is, "Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve." Just because I can picture it in my mind (believe that it can exist) doesn't always mean I believe it to be for me. That has been my biggest challenge lately. The heart belief.

That means my defining moment is a trust issue. Do I trust God more than I trust my own way?

It may not make sense as the money in my account continues to pour out before more can be put in, but I am putting my full trust in God to show up in His usual mysterious way.

Anyone else as excited as I am to see what's going to happen next?

By the way, please don't press your "I'm worried for her" button. I implore you, if you have made it this far in my message to think only of amazingly positive thoughts surrounding my life. "Where two or more are gathered..." Your good vibes add to the positive side and feeds into the light. Worry only gives into the darkness. That's not allowed here. I believe in the force of good always winning, even under the most adverse circumstances. And I believe that God works all things for the good, including my life.