Life is...one big comedy show

There will be a lot of things I will forget about my former boss, but his taglines will remain embedded in my memory forever. There's one that is so appropriate for this post, "I can't make 'em up, I just report 'em." This is something I just can't make up!

This past Saturday we had an auction for the New Albany Police Department - their regular impound auto auction. Over the years these auctions have become quite a success - events to look forward to - and Saturday was no exception, over $70,000 in sales! It sure helped to have a few garbage trucks in the mix. Yes, I said garbage trucks. Sometimes we auction-off the city's old equipment, and those items can make for entertaining banter. But this particular auction was special indeed.

For every NAPD auction there will be some personal property (stolen or left-behind) that gets sold. Just imagine the delight of the 100+ men in attendance when the backpack full of women's scanty-panties and see-through attire came up for bid. I flashed-back in time to another NAPD auction where a car brought an extra couple hundred dollars simply for the panties hanging from the rearview mirror. I was quickly brought back to the present when the next item for bid was the condem machine! Yes, I said condem machine. Oh, they could barely get through the bidding for all the laughing.

The time to sell the cars came next. Now, when there's men and cars - women barely exist. And during an auction, I'm the most important woman out there (aside from our cashier who takes the money!). It gets hard to squeeze my way through all the people to get to the next vehicle to take bids and write the tickets. I try to be polite, "excuse me, pardon me, excuse me..." But Saturday was classic. I'm not sure if he was trying to be funny, engage in conversation with me, or hit on me, but one guy (in his late 50s/early 60s) replied to my 'excuse me' with, "Why, did ya fart?" I had no time to stop "the look" I gave him.

If you did not laugh at any point through this post, we need to talk. If I add my hand and face motions to it, you get the full effect. This will be one of those moments I save for a speaking engagement somewhere. Or write a script for a show. Or just a book, even. Oh, the stories I could tell...