What Code Do You Live By?

To anyone who has been around me and felt that I've been "off," my sincere apologies.

I have been in a weird place the last couple weeks.  I have over-analyzed others and second-guessed myself.  I have been lonely in a crowd and it showed.  I have been lazy with sadness and it hurts my productivity.  I have been frustrated with negative results of positive effort.  I have been disconnected from me.  And why?  Hell if I know.  But hey, that's the good thing about doing a post.  It can sometimes be cathartic.  So bear with me and maybe it'll be helpful for you too someday.

I've taken my jumbled thoughts and feelings and got back to journaling the past few days.  I used to write about everything everyday.  Then life blew up and I got away from it.  Focused on business and growing people around me in their businesses.  One thing I've come to realize.  There's a reason God took a day off.  Not because HE needed it - He IS God.  But because WE need it.  He led by example.  One that I felt I just didn't need.  And now it's catching up with me in a big way.  I've become my own worst nightmare - bitchy and unproductive.

Now, before any of you try to shower me with "you're Wonder Woman, you got this" kind of stuff, know that I have been telling myself that for days now.  But I'm here to tell ya', even Wonder Woman got her ass kicked every once in awhile.  She had to re-group on Paradise Island to heal, gather an army of Amazon warriors, and head back into battle another day.  THAT's where I am now.  Healing.  As best I know how. One step at a time.

The first step for me was to get to the root of my issue.  I know what that is, to prove I'm even worthy to exist.  That's why getting ignored is so hurtful and not accomplishing things is unacceptable.  Being responsible for myself is a big deal too, not to be reliant on others as a charity case.  The next was to do some simple self-assessing.  Using the same tools I use with my clients: personality, core values, life wheel, and others, I wrote it all out and compared to the same assessments I did at the first of the year.  Not much had changed.  Good in the sense I was still confident in who I was and what I was about, but not good in the sense of not seeing positive forward-moving results for myself in my life wheel vision.  I'm bummed.  And I've been second-guessing myself all week.  But here's another thing I realized.  I've not been living by the code.

This was from Jesus (Luke 10:27).  It's also in the Old Testament in Deuteronomy.  Notice - love GOD with everything, love your neighbor AS YOURSELF.  That "as yourself" part is harder than it sounds for someone like me.  I'm confident in who I am, what I can do, and that I can get shit done --- for everyone else.  I do love God.  I do love people.  But I don't really love myself.  That has to change.  If I change that, my life wheel vision will come true.  Love is action, it's a code to live by.  

Then I got to thinking about another other codes that is just extensions of this:

The Cowboy Code

THEN...I thought of one of my favorites on my virtual "cabinet of advisers."  Gibbs.  Not necessarily an extension of Luke 10:27, but some pretty darn good things to think about.

And now I'm coming to a realization that I will always have a fight on my hands BECAUSE I have a code to live by.  There will always be those who want to stand in the way of peace.  Peace in the world around me, peace in others' minds and hearts, and peace in my own self.  I will fight on. I know who I am, what I stand for, and there are others counting on me to live that out. That's what I'm going to believe anyway, so just go with me on it...lol. 

If you've gotten this far in my ramblings, thank you.  Thank you for sharing your time with me :-).  NOW it's ok to tell me "You're Wonder Woman, you got this!"

Something To Live For

A friend of mine, Kevin, has been in the hospital for over 100 days now.  I visited last week when he was still in ICU and again today in a real room.  I'm proud of him.  In his own words, "I'm a warrior."  Yes.  He is.  The hospital stay isn't the only thing he's overcoming.  His wife passed away right before all the hospital adventure began.  He didn't even get to go to her funeral.  But he's fighting on.  When I saw him today, all wired-up with IVs and the trach and monitors and dialysis machine, holding up his hand, the first finger and thumb an inch apart, he tells me he's "this far" from getting to the rehab center.  He's a warrior.

When I leave him I think, "What makes him fight so much?  Why keep going?"  Then I remember his face lit up when he talked about his kids and how amazing his mom and aunt have been.  He's got plans to do great things with them.  His life has changed in a heartbeat - literally.  And he's ready to be changed.  I'm super proud of my friend.

He has something to live for.  His something isn't some THING...it's a few SOMEONEs...  

Do you have something or someone to live for?  I'm asking myself that question right now.

41 ... Now What

Sunday was my birthday, my 41st birthday.  Yep.  I'm OVER 40.  And honestly, proud of it.  I earned my way here.  The weekend itself was anticlimactic (was sick all weekend); however, my life is anything but.  I am taking a few moments to reflect...

In my 41 years I have:

• taught myself to read music and play instruments,
• earned a perfect score trophy as drum major,
• drove cross-country,
• traveled to other countries,
• served under high-level executives of big companies,
• gotten my radio broadcasting license, 
• been backstage at the Grand Ole Opry during a performance,
• met country music legends,
• owned my own house,
• finished a bachelor's degree in marketing and multiple certifications in music business and executive coaching,
• been lost in the woods at Ashford Castle in Ireland,
• held an owl on my arm,
• rode a horse in the Grand Canyon,
• rode a helicopter over the Grand Canyon,
• sang to church groups in the Philippines,
• held Gypsy babies in Romania,
• taught award-winning marching bands performing in the Lucas Oil Stadium,
• sang with a southern gospel group,
• served on the worship team of a church for 20 years,
• started a tech ministry,
• produced many entertaining events,
• led women's ministry,
• worked with youth groups,
• wrote and published a book, 
• landscaped my own property,
• helped friends move - a lot,
• held dying loved ones hands,
• lost friendships,
• made new friends,
• been a jewelry lady and still love those shiny objects,
• learned to drive on a stick-shift,
• plucked feathers off a dead chicken,
• bottle fed a calf that slept next to me in the house at grandpa's,
• worked in a greenhouse,
• worked as a marketing manager and bid-taker/clerk for an auctioneer,
• been on the radio,
• been on TV,
• done some recording of songs,
• started my own business,
• sat and talked with Senators and a former Governor about industrial hemp uses,
• helped connect hundreds of people,
• wrote speeches for convention speakers,
• produced videos,
• led teams, groups, and organizations,
• and so much more....

I almost felt sad for what I haven't gotten accomplished yet this year and the gaps I feel are in my own life.  But the year isn't over yet :-).  And each day I get to wake up, I'm given the opportunity to do something good with it.  It's not always easy.  I work hard and stay involved in life.  I've always been that way.  But today I took a moment to write out a short list of things I've done in my 41 years. I'm certainly not sad anymore.  I know who I am, who I'm still becoming.  

It seems almost surreal that I'VE done those things.  And I know I'm not done.  Lots of ideas, lots of people to help, lots of roles to play in harmony. So, now what?

I have a few things in the hopper...

• Arkham Executive (as partner and co-founder - growing!!!)
• Little Tree Publishing (bringing all my projects in-house to my own company)
• Cherokee Alternative Energy (as Project Development Director to help develop 300 acres in Eastern Kentucky)
• Executive Women International (another year as Chapter President, and possibility of national program)
• Being Super book release
• Gear-Up business conference in October (be prepared to see my face more...lol)
• Business In A  Box online training
• Super Power Women Retreats 
• Land development projects (helping a friend)
• And more ideas to add all the time...(plus bucket list items like travel to Greece and own a Jeep Wrangler designed grand Wonder Woman style).

I am truly blessed to have made it this far in life.  I am super excited about what lays ahead.  My word this year is ADVANCE.  And my daily prayer is this:

"Help me, Lord, be the person I need to be to do the things you have set before me to do.  Help me to be a blessing, not a curse - a help, not a hindrance.  Guide me in all things. And thank you for loving me in spite of me and my own stubbornness."

Thanks for reading my post.  How will you reflect on YOUR life?  You might surprise yourself all the cool things you've done! And if you need help with that...let's have tea (or coffee, or whatever) and chat.  

Slaying The Double-Headed Dragon

I wrote a blog post recently about 5 Ways to Conquer The Deadly D's to help give readers some action items to get out of their "pit."  But I wanted to share here in my personal blog some deeper insight.

I have been plagued my whole life with a feeling of "not good enough."  I know where it stems from, and I recognize it daily.  It affects everything I do, in both positive and negative ways.  When I get distracted and let my guard down, I can feel the attack of "you're a failure, nothing's going to work, why even try," coming on.  That's negative.  When I am more focused, driven, energetic, committed, and confident, I hear in my spirit, "Bring it!"  That's positive. That's why dealing with the distractions that open the door to doubt is the first key in conquering that negative pit of despair. For me, anyway.

But when I hear a friend tell me, "I feel like I can't do anything right anymore, I've lost faith in myself." I go into protective warrior mode for them.  I want to help attack those thoughts and feelings.  To shield my friend from the distracting messages that inundate us all daily.  I want to battle the enemy head-on and slay the double-headed dragon of doubt and discouragement from their heart.  Because that dragon will scorch everything in it's path to destruction.  This warrior queen will fight for her friend.  This protective friend will stand in the gap when they can't stand for themselves.

If you are one that has those same kinds of messages roaming your mind, know I am willing to be in the battle with you.  To fight for you.  To swing the lasso of truth and the sword of strength to bring the dragon into submission.  You are not alone.

Random Moments Can Bring Just What We Need

     Have you ever had one of "those" days?  Yeah, I'm having one.  Nothing BAD has happened.  I'VE just been a little testy.  Interruptions not handled well.  Irritation ensues.  Then every bad thought I could ever have about myself seems to just drown me all at once.  What the WHAT?  How does it escalate so quickly?

     When I get like this, I stop.  STOP.  I know I'm disconnected.  I have been working in details for too long.  I'm REALLY not the detail person.  I can do it.  I can be good at it.  But it's not my gift. My gift is guiding people, leading. But I digress...

    When I get like this, I take the moment to reconnect with God.  He's my Source.  He already knows everything, why not talk to Him about everything.  I'm always surprised at what He shares with me.  And one way that I do that is to go to some great speakers - to hear the Word.  And Joyce Meyer is one of my favorites.  She's on my virtual board of directors.  And this video was a random choice today.  And boy, was it spot on for me.

     So, if you're having one of "those" days, just start the video and listen.

They're Messing With My Family

If you are in favor of the rebel flag design on top of the General Lee car, you will enjoy this post.  If you were a child of the 80's, you will enjoy this post.  If you were an only child growing up in the 80s and watched Dukes of Hazzard like I did, you will enjoy this post.  If the previous statements don't apply to you, you don't have to read any further.  But in case you do, just know.  These are MY personal observations and opinions.  I am probably going to cuss.  I promise not to call anyone names.  But I am pretty grounded in these thoughts.  Thus, I felt the need to even put this out there.  Ready?  Here we go...

I am an only child that spent a fair amount of time alone growing up because my mom worked her ass off to make sure we had what we needed to survive.  I'm proud of her for that.  For me, characters on TV became more than just characters, they were my friends.  I pretended with them all the time.  There were many adventures with the Superfriends (go figure), Wonder Woman (again, go figure), the Smurfs, He-Man and She-Ra, Thundercats, Mork & Mindy, The Fonz, Bull from Night Court, JR & Bobby Ewing, and the list goes on.

The first time I saw the Dukes of Hazzard, not only did I have a HUGE crush on Luke Duke, Daisy was like a sister to me.  Daisy in her Jeep, Wonder Woman in her plane, and me riding along on all the adventures we could come up with.  The Duke Boys were there when I needed to feel like a rebel tomboy riding in the woods on a motorbike.  Uncle Jesse was a father figure for me when I didn't have one.  And Roscoe and Boss Hogg?  Well, somebody had to be the bad guys. I did love Boss's wife, Lulu. The Dukes taught me that good always prevails, resourcefulness gets you out of some sticky situations, and you don't need money to have a valuable life.  They also taught me that you have emotional attachments with your vehicles and that CB radios are even cooler than cell phones.

But now...there's controversy.  Not over Daisy's short shorts.  Hell, there's a whole style with her name on it.  Not over driving like crazy people on backroads.  I know plenty of people who do - and I've even jumped a hill or two myself.  But the controversy is about the damn design on top of the roof.

NOW - before you get all riled up.  Yes, I get it.  I have heard over and over the opinions and I have read the history.  I have also listened to some people who have had no idea what they're really talking about.  I get it that the REBEL Flag (not the Confederate) has been used by SOME to represent their own cause of hate, violence, and bigotry.  SOME.  Not all.  Not the Duke Boys. If ANYONE on TV at that time had less hatred for people, it was the Dukes.  They taught acceptance of everyone - no matter race, religion, shape, size, background, etc.  MY association with the REBEL flag was one of independence, guts, determination, perseverance, riding in to the save the day, and pride.  PRIDE in being who you are - regardless of who you are.  That was MY association.  Have I seen the rebel flag being used with hate - yes.  Make no mistake, I grew up in Washington County, Indiana.  Where the I remember the first black family moving into the county in decades was wide-spread gossip.  Damn, the Ku Klux Klan revived itself around that time.  Coincidence?  Duh.  And folks - that is geographically considered THE NORTH.  Hatred is NOT just a southern thing.  Hatred is not just a confederate flag thing. Hatred is NOT The Dukes of Hazzard.

Why am I getting worked up?  Simple.  I am pissed at TV Land and Warner Brothers and Amazon and other big companies for pulling PR stunts.  Banning the Dukes of Hazzard.  Seriously.  Give me a freakin' break.  If it was really a controversy - the show should have never made it to the screen to begin with.  And people - pay attention.  Big companies are NOT on your side.  They don't CARE.  They want attention and more money.  Think it through.  Where are the sales of merchandise rising right now?  The flag industry - both Rebel and Rainbow alike.  But no, let's mess with a beloved TV show that promotes acceptance, good wins the day, and helping the little guy.  Again, why am I getting worked up?  They're messing with my family, and even the General Lee is family to me.

Watch the "birth" of General Lee

General Lee even has his own song...

My Nemesis In The Burbs

     First, let me say...I DO like living close to everything in the metro.  Because I don't want anyone to think I have anything against living in the burbs.  HOWEVER...when it comes to some of the simple joys I appreciated with country life, the burbs get on my nerves.  Hearing the neighbors incessant bird screeching, not seeing very many stars at night, not being able to walk around naked without fear of someone seeing, and NOW...my new nemesis...the damn rabbits.

Don't let their furry adorableness fool you.  These little evil fluffballs will decimate a flower garden before you even get them planted. They have already eaten my verbena, rose moss, wand flower, and even the lilly blooms. I didn't have this problem in the country.  Why?  Because there are dogs that are allowed to chase out there.  Dogs here have to be on leashes.  They don't get to do what they do naturally.  And the damn rabbits KNOW it.

Since I can't just let the dogs out, I have to resort to other methods.  Chicken wire is most preferable - but again - I'm in the burbs.  Chicken wire would not cut it with the neighbors.  What else?  I'm going to try a couple inexpensive ideas from the Farmer's Almanac:  Irish Spring shavings and mint.  Wish me luck!

Getting Through The Funk

I have been in a funk lately. Chalk it up to hormones, burn out, whatever...but I've been in a funk. Ever get that way?  Ever tell yourself, "Nothing's going right. I'm being punished. Why even bother? Why does that person get amazing things to happen and I'm stuck here?" Any of those ring a bell?

Here's the kicker. Sometimes it's not as easy as "just get over it." Sometimes...Sometimes you have to go through it to see the light.  Like my issues with getting and keeping a guy around.

I've been having guy troubles my whole life. I was married once, for two years. That was 15 years ago. Ever since then, I've still had guy issues. I have had some doozies. None have wanted to share a life adventure with me. Was it timing? Were they too broken themselves? Could they not handle a strong woman? Am I too fat? Am I too  smart? Am I too nice? Am I horrible at choosing guys? Yep. Yep to all of the above.

When my funky fog started to lift this weekend I went to work immediately on using my self awareness/assessment tools. Starting with the classic life wheel. It's a great start to assess satisfaction levels in different areas of life. It was no surprise that one of my lowest areas was "intimate relationships." I have guy issues. But that's not what I realized. I realized that the lowest areas of my wheel were getting the most of my energy. The squeaky wheel scenario was draining me.

So I continued on with my work. A vision of what I want things to look like, actions needed to get me there, and characteristics I need to be to accomplish what lies before me.

The solution to my guy issues? Commit to a better, more complete, me. The best guy will come along.  If God is guiding me through this kind of growth, no telling what He's putting HIM through!

Celebrating the good

Have you ever used a life wheel? It's a great tool to visually see areas of your life that are worthy of a celebratory parade, and others that are ripe for improvement. Today is Valentine's Day. A day to show your special someone some love. I'm of the belief you should do that everyday. Especially for yourself. Even Jesus said, "love God with all your mind, heart and soul, and love others as yourself." Notice...He made a point of telling us to include ourselves. Not in a narcissistic way, but in the 'put your own oxygen mask on first' kind of way.

This day can be hard for single people like myself. So, to put myself in a loving mindset, I used the life wheel. I wrote out at least one good thing going on in each of those areas. My wheel may be bumpy on satisfaction level (the connected dots on the inside), but I have a lot of great things to love about my life. And love them I will.

If you're in a slump today...try it for yourself. If you'd like me to send you a wheel worksheet, let me know :-).

Happy  Valentine's Day y'all!!

Word for 2015

For years I have used a single word to focus on for the year. Each time, I end up learning so much about myself and life reflecting that word. This year my excitement level is at a new high. I prayed for weeks about what to choose to build on 2014's word, FREEDOM.  Each time I thought about it, it made sense that once you are free from something you go on to something else. So. My word for 2015 is ... ADVANCE.

Advance is forward movement. Advance is being intentional. Advancing activities are strategic. To Advance is to grow the empire, so to speak.

2015 is full of forward movement and amazing opportunities for growth in every area of my life. I'm hoping you'll join me on the journey!