Sunday, February 24, 2008

It's not about You!

That's what I've had to keep telling me while being at church the past few weeks. There are so many great things going on that I'm not a part of - and I'm feeling left out. Now, before anyone reminds me - I know the little ones need help downstairs. But I'm pretty sure it's not the best idea for me to work with them! Too many reasons for me not to be around those kids - mainly because if I get started, I may want one of my own. :-)

But like today, Stephanie Heitz sang a fabulous song for the message - "East to West" (Casting Crowns). And Stephanie is a fantastic singer to-boot. But my INITIAL thought was "what about me? Why couldn't I have done a special? Am I not good enough to be thought of to do a special? Just because I don't sound like Stephanie Heitz or Jessica Kayrouz or even like the sisters, Kelly and Debbie, doesn't mean I can't sing well. Or maybe I can't. maybe I shouldn't even be a back-up if I'm that bad." Do you see where my mind goes when there's no protection! I prayed hard in that moment then thoroughly enjoyed the song and the singer!

I've even been trying to distance myself a little from the Jr. High Coaches. I love them all dearly - and absolutely crave their company/fellowship, but they're doing great things that I'm not part of helping with. And again - it's not about me. I know they love me, I'm just not a part of that. And I don't want to get in the way of anything either.

And I used to be considered a leader at church, but not so much anymore...or at least since Chad's come on-board. And that's fine too - yet again, it's not about me. Too much detail for this blog in this area.

And I'm getting ready to do a Thrive message next weekend that deals with getting out of the pit - and the mind being transformed. Well, let me tell ya - it's a daily, no, minute-by-minute practice to be (as Chad taught) vertically focused - not horizontal. It's about where my HEART is - not just my actions. I don't have to be busy or "involved" in church to please God. He wants my actions to be an overflow of my heart. And I do love God with all my heart - but lately I've been wondering what else to do with my heart. What do I have a "heart" for? You know, the Jr. High coaches "have a heart" for those kids, Vicki "has a heart" for the First Impressions ministry, Kim Kane "has a heart" for the KIA group, Charlotte "has a heart" for the high school girls. What is it that I "have a heart" for? I think that's more frustrating than feeling left-out. I'm obviously not a part of anything because right now I don't think I have heart for anything. I'm distracted with my life - key word being MY. And I do care about others, I just hope I show that and not be so outwardly selfish. This is a down side to being single!

So to all who read this, please don't think ill of me. I love you all, and just needed to get that out.


Joe said...

Christy - You are loved and appreciated. Don't ever get discouraged and think that you have no "place" in our church. You have many places in the hearts of all your friends! I really can't wait to see your Thrive message. I just know it is going to be so powerful and it is going to let others see a part of you that only a few of us get to see. You are a great inspiration and I am so priveleged to call you my friend. (Plus the lasagna is awesome)!!! :)

Rebecca Jo said...

Girl - what would we do without you! I know so many times, when something has to be done, I hear "Christy can help us with that!" - everyone counts on you in our church. You need to see yourself as so valuable! Most of us are limited where we can work or where our heart is at - but you have such a talent that helps EVERY part of the church! Look at how much you've helped us in just the past week - (& I will say - I LOVE the finger cymbals for belly dancing!) - & your encouragement is priceless! I know how you feel though - but know that you are loved - you are amazing & God is going to continue to use you & your talents! YOU ROCK!