Since I've been "down" in my back lately, which is such a weird way to look at it since I can't actually bend down, I've realized I've been missing out on a lot. Here's some of what I've been missing:
- Satellite TV - used to have it at mom's....oh the joys of adulthood billing budget
- Being outside - with the rain and my back, not much work is getting done on opening the pool
- Old friends - just when I finally have time, I literally don't feel like going anywhere to see people. Thank God for facebook!
- Friends in general - being single, living alone out in "God's Country," I don't get visitors. And since I'm not really the "popular girl" I don't get calls or emails much either...oh well....
- Motivation - pain meds and muscle relaxers have a way of really making you feel lethargic
- Passion - same as above plus some uknown confusion in my life
- Self-confidence - that was low enough, but when you can't get off the couch without rolling off it, makes me feel like a sea cow in sludge
- Dreams of youth - everything I thought I would be doing, I failed at in life. I realize God's got a much better plan for me, but I am still reconciling that with my own lost dreams
- Ice cream - I'm REALLY trying to be good with what I'm eating, especially since I can't get exercise in, but I am seriously craving my favorite: Haagan Das' Bailey's Irish Cream Ice Cream, mmmmmmm
- And yes, I miss Bill - he's been working nights the past couple of weeks, AND he's been feeling sickly too, so we don't get to see each other every day.
- Church - I'm in limbo lately with church. With all that has transpired the past couple of years, I think I'm just burned-out with GCC, maybe with "church" in general. Don't get me wrong, I love the people - and miss all of them terribly. But I certainly DON'T MISS the political-ness of it. I DO miss serving and working in the church. But it's not worth the struggles if you don't work well with people. Guess I'm just not what some people want to be around, or considered to be "holy" enough to work, or they feel I'm not "called" to a certain work? Who knows. Who cares. Just miss it.
And there you have it. But anytime I feel like I'm missing something, I go to the one who fills the hole...Jesus. Only He can fill it, only He can complete me, only He can save me, only He can really love me the way I am. And He can fill your holes too.